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November’s Dreamer in the Spotlight

30 Nov

The young woman that I’m featuring this month is truly an inspiration!  Her name is Katie Davis and  I ran across an article about her story last month in the Tennessean.  She is a perfect example of how God can use each of us to do extraordinary things if we will listen and be open to whatever He asks.  Easier said that done, right?  I’m sure a lot of people were skeptical of her plans and worried about her, but she is making a difference and shedding God’s light on so many lives!

Please click on the following headline to read the online version of “At 22, woman is mom to 13 Ugandan children”.

As the article mentions, she also has a blog called Kisses from Katie and recently released a book by the same name.  I’m looking forward to checking it out when I get some time.  She makes me think about how amazing it would be if all of us embraced God’s plan for our lives! The bible verse “Yet not as I will, but as YOU will (Matthew 26: 39)” is the status on Amazima Minstries‘ Facebook page!

(photo above courtesy of africa via http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1803)

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Side note:  I realized after I published my previous post, that I forgot to include a main part of my sleep deprivation story, so I’ll include it below.  This is just a perfect example of my mommy brain in action!  Here we go…

As I mentioned, I had a week where I was very irritable and unpleasant towards Adam.  That Saturday, while Adam was working, I cleaned the house and did several chores while watching the girls.  I even had time to make dinner.  I felt like I was being a good wife/mother and wanted Adam to feel relaxed when he arrived home.  Of course, shortly after he walked through the door, my attitude and moodiness overshadowed my good intentions and homemaking skills as my exhaustion kicked in after a long, busy day.  I made sure Adam knew what a heavy load I carried and complained about all of my responsibilities.  So much for him relaxing, huh?

The next morning, we went to Mass and the first reading was from Proverbs 31.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!  I felt like God was specifically talking to me and I started to cry, because I wanted to be a good wife and was ashamed of how I had been acting.  I had been blaming Adam for not helping me, when I should have been asking the Lord for grace and strength to deal with a tough time.  Sometimes it can be discouraging to just “suck it up and deal with it” when mothers have to continuously sacrifice, but I know that it is a privilege and a blessing to be called to marriage and to be able to raise children.

The sum of all of this is:  Husbands, help your wives get sleep and they won’t be so psycho and will be more appreciative of all of their blessings!  I know Adam has seen the benefits of a more rested wife already!

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Tired Mommy on Board – Stay off the Road!

26 Nov

I can’t do it all… Shocking news, I know!

The past month has been a challenging time mostly due to sleep deprivation because my 7-month-old has decided to wake up like a newborn throughout the night again.  I’m even struggling to organize my thoughts right now to write this blog post that has been floating around in my head for a few weeks.  This is the first chance that I’ve really had to start typing it all out…

First of all, I hate when the time changes and it is pitch black outside when I get out of work in the evening.  It throws me off my schedule and puts a major kink in my routine with the girls.  This year, it happened to coincide with “Little A” dropping her late afternoon nap, which equaled the perfect storm of disrupted sleep for baby AND mommy!  Adam was also on the road for two weekends in a row, so I was not able to catch any extra zzz’s and my sleep debt continued to accumulate.  Needless to say, the value of quality sleep is not to be underestimated – just ask my husband!  He had to deal with an irritable, moody, impatient Stefanie every night for a week straight.  There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture!  I, apparently, wasn’t the only one being tortured!  “A happy wife is a happy life”, right?!

Anyway, after sending Adam some articles on the effects of sleep deprivation and him convincing me to leave work early to take an afternoon nap, I have started to slowly return closer to “normal.”  At least I know I’m a little less dangerous on the road.  (Driving while sleep deprived is about as risky as driving drunk!)  Adam has been great with the girls and has let me sleep in for a couple hours for a few random days recently.  I am even going to a nail salon later today with my mother, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law for a manicure and pedicure – something I never do.  It will be nice to have some time for myself and relax for a couple hours!

I want to thank those of you who have been keeping up with my random blog posts.  My hope one day soon is to have a routine day each week that I post.  This is one area that I have given myself permission to let go for now, since I have so many responsibilities and things to juggle on a daily basis.  It’s helping my sanity right now to sleep instead of blog!  Hopefully, I’ll find time to squeeze in November’s Dreamer of the Month in the next few days before it’s too late!

 

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Just a Glorified Personal Assistant?

5 Sep

In my continuous pursuit to be a better mother and wife, I am often attracted to books that address these topics.  Last weekend, I finished reading When a Woman Inspires Her Husband by Cindi McMenamin.  There was even an entire chapter dedicated solely to a wife encouraging her husband to dream, so I think it is definitely appropriate to write about what I gleaned from this book in my blog!

When a Woman Inspires Her Husband was mainly based on the fact that men need to feel respected in a relationship and want to feel successful in what they do.   Many of the things that I read, were not necessarily new to me, but it was a great reminder of how much sacrifice is required to have a truly healthy marriage.  I’ll be honest, though, that there was a point when I was reading this book that I started to get a little upset.  I felt McMenamin wrote this book for women in the 1950’s.  It was like she practically assumed that the wives reading this book would only have responsibilities within the home and that the husband was the sole income-earner.  I’m not a stay-at-home mom.  I am the one in our family with the stable income.   I don’t have time to cook every night.  My house would not pass a white glove test pretty much any day of the week.  After reading the chapters about “Easing his Burdens”, “Making His Home a Sanctuary”, and “Giving Him Breathing Room”, I practically felt like McMenamin was describing the job of a personal assistant.

When I was thinking about this during my commute to work one morning, I thought of the verse, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).  And then I realized that sacrificing my selfish wants and dying to myself every day is laying my life down for my husband.  Interestingly enough, McMenamin actually refers to this same verse towards the end of her book.  Do I have a lot on my plate? Yes.  Is my number one priority the well-being of my husband and family? Yes.  Do I have a lot to learn still about being a good wife? Yes.  McMenamin used a great quote from the book 6 Secrets to a Lasting Love by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg: “The more encouragement and affirmation he receives from his wife, the easier it will be for him to discern God’s voice.”  Consider me humbled.  And if that isn’t enough, check out this take on the well-known passage in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 that McMenamin refers to from The Message:

“Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

The biggest thing that I took away from this book was that I need to let Adam lead.  Often times, I am the planner and the organizer, so I automatically tend to make decisions or have an idea already in my mind.  So combine my female multitasking ability with a personality-type that trusts my own judgment to logically evaluate the best option, and you can see why this would be a challenge at times.  This was a wake-up call to me, though, that I need to step back and let my husband be the one to evaluate and make final decisions (still with my input of course, wink!).

At least there is one area where I feel like I do a good job, and that is encouraging Adam’s dream of having a successful career in music.  McMenamin talks about wives being a cheerleader for their husbands, and I can say without a doubt, I am my husband’s biggest fan!  Let’s be real – I started a blog on this topic, people!  Despite the current financial instability and lack of a clear path, I trust that God has a purpose for my husband’s musical gifts.  I hope that my unwavering belief has been, and will continue to be, inspiring to Adam.  I think that’s a main reason why God put me in his life.  And I’m thankful that I have a husband who tries to see how his musical aspirations fit into his family life and not how his family can fit around his music!

I will continue to work on having a servant’s heart, but I know my vocation of being a wife is more than just being a glorified personal assistant!

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Confessions of a Mommy

27 Jun

Alright, I admit it.  I had a breakdown yesterday.  Albeit, a relatively brief meltdown, it was not one of my proudest moments. 

I had no idea I was stressed out.  I had just read a great blog post the night before titled, The Power of Positivity by Erin Franco.  She discusses being thankful for the small blessings that come with raising young children/taking care of a family and having joy in the seemingly mundane chores and tasks that mothers do daily.  It felt good to relate to another young woman who seemed to be in a similar family situation and have similar values.  I felt refreshed in my mission to be a good wife and mother.

So Sunday morning rolls around, and I get myself and the girls ready to attend mass.  By the time I get both of them in their car seats and back out of the driveway, I realize that I’m going to be late.  I get to church and have to park a good distance away and lug a car seat, diaper bag, purse, and toddler across the parking lot by myself, since Adam is not back from his Nascar gig in Wisconsin yet.  (ETA was 5 a.m., but they did not arrive until late-morning.  Awesome, right?)  I will insert a positive comment right now, though: My two-year-old behaved amazingly well during an extended service.  The downside of this longer service was that she fell asleep in the car for a few minutes on the way home which ended up destroying her chance for her usual nap.  In the midst of giving up hope that she would get any sleep, Adam arrives home.  Being the helpful husband that he is, he had picked up another copy of the Sunday newspaper for me like I asked, so I could get some extra coupons.  As I am flipping through the paper and the ads, I realize that this newspaper has no coupons.  Somebody snatched them out of the paper!  Cue meltdown!

I totally freaked out.  This, by itself, is only a minor annoyance, but being that I am trying to juggle a million balls in the air (okay, what feels like a million), not unlike most mommies in America, I was not happy about this snag in my plans for the day and the waste of $1.75.  I was trying to make a grocery list and prepare the house  for the arrival of Adam’s parents and brother who are staying the week with us, while getting ready to attend a baby shower for my cousin and his wife.  I am a person who maximizes every minute of the day since so many things need to be done.  There is a reason that women are good at multi-tasking, but  my mind couldn’t take all of the calculations, planning, and organizing any more!  The wheels are constantly turning in my head.  I am always trying to stay one step ahead so that I won’t make things harder on myself.  I hate proctrastinating!

If you can’t tell already by reading this, my personality type is considered to be “The Reformer/Perfectionist”, according to the Enneagram.  A type One personality, which I am, is one that values fairness, honesty, integrity, organization, personal responsibility, etc.  The negative aspects of my personality include being too critical, impatient, and quick to anger.  So for a person who has a strong sense of right and wrong, an injustice such as “coupon swiping,” tipped me over the edge of the scale that I try to keep balanced in my mind.  Seriously, though, I’m all about the whole coupon craze, but have some respect for other women who are trying to better their family’s financial situation, as well!

After a few minutes of being ridiculously upset, I finished my list, organized my coupons and we all got in the car to head to an amazing baby shower for two of my favorite people in the world!  I am so excited that my two girls will have another little girl relative to play with!  Adam’s family arrived safely and we had a nice evening.  I still found time to clip coupons while visiting with my mother-in-law after the kids went to sleep for the night. 

I am very thankful to God for my family!  I hope that I can be more like my mom, who never made it seem like doing laundry or making dinner was a chore that she didn’t want to do for us!  Every moment that I have with my husband and daughters is truly a blessing and it is my privilege to be able to care for them!

 

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Our 6th Anniversary!

23 Jun

This coming Saturday marks six years that Adam and I have been married.  It’s

Our honeymoon 2005

fun to take this time and think about how our life has changed so much since we met.  We’ve experienced a three-year long-distance relationship, buying a house, and having two daughters.  I’m so excited to be going out on a dinner date tonight!  We haven’t been out together alone since probably December, because of bed rest and our youngest daughter’s recent birth.  Since we don’t make a big deal out of giving gifts to each other and we don’t have the money even if we wanted to, I decided to go old school and make a mixed tape, er, I mean, CD, of love songs!  Yeah, this is just like back in high school – total cheese ball, I know!  Anyway, here are the songs that I decided to include on my playlist:

1. “I’ll Be That” – Jimmy Wayne (A fun, upbeat love song!  Plus, I had to include Jimmy Wayne in my playlist!)

2. “Just Another Day in Paradise” – Phil Vassar (We have two kids, so this is totally our life now!)

3. “My Best Friend” – Tim McGraw (Corny? Maybe. True? Yes.)

4. “The Woman in Me (Needs the Man in You)” – Shania Twain (Love the first couple lines in the song.  I’m not always strong.  And sometimes I’m even wrong… I guess Adam would probably like these two lines, as well!  Plus we’ve been watching Shania’s reality show and it was in my head!)

5. “God Gave Me You” – Bryan White (This is the first of three Bryan White songs on the list.  “Why,” may you ask?  This is a CD that Adam introduced me to when we first started dating.  This whole CD is full of great love songs and is like the soundtrack to our relationship!)

6. “The Depths of My Love” – Anthony Smith (One of the most creative love songs ever!  He’s a genius songwriter!)

7. “Me and You” – Kenny Chesney (Great song before Kenny started singing about the beach and high school all the time!)

8. “Cherish” – Brian McKnight (It doesn’t hurt to throw in a little reminder to Cherish her love, does it?)

9. “Because You Loved Me” – Celine Dion (This song is the theme from one of my favorite chick flicks, Up Close and Personal with Michelle Pfifer and Robert Redford!)

10. “How Lucky I Am” – Bryan White (Sweet song!)

11. “Ill Be” – Edwin McCain (Classic!)

12. “Gettin’ You Home” – Chris Young (I’ll leave that one alone!)

13. “I Still Believe In You” – Vince Gill (I’ve always loved this song.  Plus, Adam loves Vince Gill!)

14. “Right Here Waiting” – Richard Marx (Appropriate for being married to a musician!)

15. “That’s When I Love You” – Phil Vassar (Another upbeat love song from Phil’s early days!)

16. “Custom Made” – Andy Griggs (Cute song!  I’ve always felt that we  fit well together!)

17. “One on One” – Jimmy Wayne (Very rare, but needed, with two young daughters!)

18. “I Will Always Love You” – Whitney Houston (Even though the premise of this song has to do with moving on, I had to include this mega hit.  Plus, I needed another song by a female artist on this playlist!)

19. “You’ll Always Be Loved (By Me)” -Bryan White (This is the first song we danced to at our wedding reception!  The lyrics are perfect for our life!)

There are many more I probably could have included, such as Journey’s, “Faithfully.”  Maybe I’ll make a “Part II” CD next year…

Adam surprising me with the song he wrote for our wedding, "Here's To Me and You"!

Anybody have a favorite love song and/or good story about a song that represents a particular relationship?

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Doing the Coupon Thing

15 Jun

I started planning my shopping trips more strategically about 2 months ago when our second daughter was born. I, like several others, was inspired by the tv show “Extreme Couponing” to save money to improve my family’s financial situation. I started doing some research online and found the website http://thekrazycouponlady.com.  This site reports the good deals at various stores and offers couponing and organization tips. Since I decided to get serious and down to business, I bought their book, Pick Another Checkout Lane, Honey.  It is a very practical, well-written book and I’ve already loaned it to one friend and will be sharing it with another.

Today, I had my own “pick another checkout lane” moment for the first time. I went to Target on my lunch break to do some purposeful shopping. I was armed with my Target web coupons and manufacturing coupons, so I was able to use 2 coupons on several items. Most of the things I purchased are for Christmas gift baskets that I am putting together for my husband’s side of the family. Some of the highlights include:

– six Sally Hansen nail files/toe separators for $2
– Suave lotion for $.60 each
– Sally Hansen nailpolish for $1

I also picked up two 6-packs of Danimal smoothies for $.69 each and two small bottles of Ibuprofen for $.49 each. If it wasn’t for a small package of diapers I had to pick up, I would have saved about 60% on my total bill before tax.

To get to the checkout part that I mentioned earlier, I had a good stack of coupons to go with my items. The cashier was taking her time checking over all of the coupons and one of my Target mobile coupons (they scan a barcode on my phone) was not calculating a discount properly, so she suggested to the man behind me to go to another lane! I asked to see a manager but this lady dryly said that she was “running the front” and did not seem to be in the best mood, so I gave up easily and did not push the issue. I’m sure a more experienced coupon lady would have gotten it straightened out but I didn’t feel it was worth it and I had to get back to the office.

Anyway, it feels good to save money and what woman doesn’t love a bargain (or ten)!

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Back to Reality

31 May

Tomorrow, I go back to work and Adam will resume his Mr. Mom duties during most of the week – this time with 2 kids. I feel blessed that our situation allows for my husband and parents to care for our daughters when I cannot. We’ll see how tomorrow goes… First time little “A” will be drinking from a bottle.

A side note: Just saw that the author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, Meg Meeker, M.D., wrote a book for mommies entitled, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers.   Adam has read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters and thought it to be very valuable and insightful (yes, he actually read this one), so I’m sure this latest book will be interesting.  I read a little summary about it today.  Meeker writes about putting aside the desire to be a perfectionist and avoiding the pressures of our culture.  I will definitely be adding it to my list of books to read.  I’m sure I will have some things to write about once I start delving into it.

Discerning God’s will

29 May

Overall, I guess my blog deals with the question of God’s purpose for my life and my family.  Today at mass the readings dealt with this specific topic, so I think it is the perfect time to discuss this a little more…

Adam and I have been focused on God’s will a lot lately, especially in regards to his career path.  He is starting to make decisions based on using his musical talents to bring others closer to God.  Adam wants to be a positive artist who writes/sings about the real life day-to-day struggles that we all have as human beings and show that there is hope even when things may be tough.  So I was definitely thinking about this when 1 Peter 3: 15-18 was read today, which says, “But in your hearts reverence Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to make a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence; and keep your  conscience clear, so that, when you are abused, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.  For it is better to suffer for doing right, if that should be God’s will, than for doing wrong.  For Christ also died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit.”

I’m usually not one to throw Bible verses around, but I feel that this really shows where Adam and I are at right now.  In Adam’s case, he is finally aligning his “artist image” with his “real life image.”  I feel excited about what God has in store for us, knowing that we are trying to keep our priorities in check and we are striving to be better individuals.

One author who talks a lot about being “the best version of ourselves” is Matthew Kelly.  A book that he has written, The Rhythm of Life, is focused on this topic and encourages us to have dreams and discover our talents.  Adam is currently listening to it, since he is not much of a reader.  I’d been encouraging him to read it for the past couple years and finally I broke down and got the audiobook.  It’s all in God’s timing! Matthew Kelly is a great motivator! He also encourages parents to frequently ask their children, “What do you think God is calling you to do with your life?”  In his book, Building Better Families, he states that as a society, we often ask kids, “What do you want to do when you get older?”  Many of us grow up to be unhappy with what we are doing.  Maybe asking a different question will bring more fulfillment and purpose.

For more about Matthew Kelly, you can check out his website:  www.matthewkelly.org.

Good night!  This mommy needs her sleep!

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Happy sacrifices

26 May

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I am getting ready to go back to work after being on maternity leave.  I’d love to stay home with my girls, but working a full-time job is a necessity at this time in my life.  (I know I am blessed to have a job in this economy.)  Adam is able to call himself a professional musician, fortunately, but it doesn’t quite support the family yet. Due to pre-term labor complications that required a short hospital stay and being on bed rest, we are not in the greatest financial spot right now, but I know that God will bring us through it and it is all worth it for our newest little angel!

One of the ways that God has shown me that I can help support my family is by using coupons.  I’m sure many of you have seen, or at least heard about, the TLC show, “Extreme Couponing.”  This show debuted right around the time our youngest daughter was born and it got me thinking that I can save money on my grocery bill.  I am definitely not trying to be like these very extreme people on the show who are clearing shelves, but it is fun and rewarding to be able to find a good deal on something that is free or over 50% of what it would normally cost and maybe stock up on a few more items than usual.  I like to call what I do, “strategic couponing!”  I’m sure I’ll talk more about this later in another blog as it is one of the things I am very focused on in addition to my children, working, and taking care of our house –  not unlike many other mommies in America.  It’s also fun, because Adam is now asking me if we have coupons for certain items.  I feel good knowing that I’ve found another way that I can contribute to the well-being of our family.

I know that many families are going through difficult times financially right now.  We, as wives and mothers, need to support each other.  We all make great sacrifices for our husbands and our children.  So often in the media we see women gossiping and attacking each other, but another reason that I wanted to do this blog was to encourage each other in a wonderful mission that we are all striving for – to support our families and help them be the best individuals that they can be.  Hopefully, this blog can become a forum for advice, tips, and encouragement.

More to come!

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Transitions

19 May

So… Adam is a little discouraged today about the reality of having two children and trying to devote time to furthering his music career.  I definitely know it is challenging to get certain things done, but I think it’s all about looking at it with a positive “what can I do today” attitude.  I think we are both getting a little stressed out, because he will be heading back out on the road every weekend for the next 5-6 months starting next weekend.  I am also going back to work after being on bed rest and maternity leave for the past 4 months.  Good thing my parents live close by to help us!  Soon, we will have a routine worked out and a “new normal.”

Hopefully, I can lift Adam’s spirits tonight.  He loves being a daddy and wants to support his family doing music.  I know God can make it happen!

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